In due time…
It will be due time,
and though I never wished for her to be due,
time did a number on me and went a few steps forward.
Steps I wasn’t yet ready to take,
but still I pushed myself forward to take on this new responsibility that God had handed me.
…and when they handed me that little piece of me
I couldn’t help but cry because she looked like me.
Like a Williams.
Like me she had my wide nose,
like me she had Ethiopian toes,
like me she was loved more than myself.
I couldn’t help but smile
but smile is less than what I did.
What I did was take myself and make it less so that she could be whole.
So that she could be more than what I am right now.
And though I never thought that I was whole myself,
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Be free —
That’s what I promised to me.
Never live by the boundaries of men,
I belong to no one
so anybody can have me but then
I wonder if it’s true?
Whether or not giving my body
is also giving my soul.
Whether this search to be filled
is really not making me whole
but instead making my heart swollen,
while a multitude of bodies
in my mind are falling naked
in their contorted positions
while their love made faces stare at me —
with a meaningless, faux passion
yet I still can’t seem to ration my temple,
letting any enter to then inevitably leave.
I often wish I could offer some reprieve
for my being.
By Aiden Harmitt-Williams
There is no escape.